allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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