when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
