he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
