hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
