yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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