it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
