My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
