I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
