If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
