You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
