shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
