Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
