I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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