Umm I'm too high to move.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
