she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
