apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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