I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
