Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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