Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
