That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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