It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
