If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize