You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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