Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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