I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
