no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
