don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have fence marks all over my body
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
