Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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