you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
