Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
