My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's official drugs can't kill me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
