they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
