You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
