My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
