It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
