so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
