We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
