After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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