I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
