If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
