He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
