just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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