..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
