Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
