I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
