I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
