took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize