So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
