i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
