turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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