I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
