So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
