Me. At least after what I've been through.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
