I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
