I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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