Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
