you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
