My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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