I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
