just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
