so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
