So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
