we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
