she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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