it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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