What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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