Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My balls are so social today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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