someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
